living, learning and growing

Ammunition, ammunition whats your mission

2011-05-25T17:30:00.000-07:00

I promised myself to make a point of creating one piece of art a month.... So here is 2, they were more work than anticipated.

As you can see I had a lot of fun with the scanner again.

Update

2011-05-18T19:23:00.000-07:00

So my child is allergic to me... Obviously not literally but his skin has REALLY cleared up. He still has red around his eyes but ALL the sores are gone! I was told the red eyes could be from environmental allergies rather than the food allergies, it is spring after all. Before we went on our concert date on friday I decided to breastfeed him, mostly so I could relieve the pressure and be comfortable while we were out, because the plan after all was to wean slowly. Shortly after feeding him, he was a lot more red again. His skin didn;t look nearly as good, that evening and into the morning the next day. Needless to say I haven't breastfed him since. He is now strictly on formula and his skin looks great! Also a newstrange development.

HE SLEEPS! I don't want to jinx it but he has been sleeping. Getting up 1-2 times a night for feedings. I had heard others talk about babies sleeping, I thought it was an urban legend of sorts. Then it happened to me, my baby sleeps. He even takes naps, unheard of before. He is now taking 3 or4 naps and still sleeping at night! I guess he had to catch up at some point. I am hoping and praying this will continue.

A beautiful date fit for a metal head princess

2011-05-16T09:43:00.000-07:00

I know a lot of you want to hear about how Eli is doing now, but I'm not going to talk about him today. Today I want to talk to you about HEAVY METAL! Some of you have been blissfully unaware for years that in your midst a person close to you, perhaps some one you love, some you trust, someone you call friend is... yes that's right a metal head! You may have suspected, you may not have seen it coming but here I am to burst your bubble and come out of the proverbial closet. I am a metal head, and Mike is too.

Friday night we went to Edmonton, and Eli stayed with his Auntie Char while Michael and I saw RAMMSTEIN at Rexall place. This isn't the first time either, we saw them last summer in Quebec city as well. It gets worse, yes that is us 2nd row from the stage, thats right I am also a mosher. You didn't see it coming, mild mannered mother moshing! I don't body surf though, I feel like people would be feeling me up inappropriately, plus there's always the fear of being dropped on my head, and I doubt Mike would let me, for probably the same reasons. I had started to fear that maybe with the birth of my son I had become too old and responsible, but I am happy to report I am not too old! We had a BLAST! It was some much needed alone time and a great stress release.

5 ways you know you`ve seen a GREAT metal show...
1.) You wear earplugs (because you ARE kinda old after all) and your ears STILL ring
2.) FIRE! A crew member got lit up, At one point the guitarist arms were on fire as he played guitar,
there were flame throwers, Till wore giant angel wings which then proceeded to catch on fire. You could feel heat radiating from the stage, and you leave with a heat rash.
3.) Explosives! At one point baby dolls hung from the ceiling and it didn`t take long before they exploded one by one. There were fire works and sparks everywhere.
4.) The crowd gets shot with a cannon full of dish soap foam and large pieces of paper confetti
5.) You get squished, and I mean squished, I`d like to say we we packed in the front like sardines, but I`m pretty sure sardines have more room. This was far from my first mosh pit although I think it was Michael`s first. I have to say it wasn`t the roughest I`ve seen but it was the squishiest, the most claustrophobic one I``ve ever been in. We stayed in for quite a while but eventually moved back a little further , it was so hot I was starting to feel faint. Thats when we could get some pictures. In both spots though it was really good.
6.) One of the band members (Christian) hopped in a rubber dingy and surfed the crowd.
7.) Not only did the play for well over an hour and and half to begin with but they then had 2, yes 2 encores!
8.) Your husband gives earplugs to a guy who realizes gum is not effective at reducing noise levels.
9.) Stepping into a crowded room Michael suddenly transforms into a bouncer of sorts.
10.) It was not a suckquake of a show that was a complete wastenado of your 300 bucksonsoon.

Breast vs formula

2011-05-09T20:57:00.000-07:00

Okay, okay, we ALL know the answer to this question. It is after all its pounded into our brains by the health district and society in general. We all know that if you can breast is best. Now having said that I started Eli on formula today. Why? Well I'm glad you asked. Today was yet another doctors appointment to try to figure out this skin problem that he has. "Extremely severe eczema" is what the pediatrician calls it. Cause: Allergies. But what could a baby who is exclusively breast fed be allergic to? Apparently it is possible to be allergic to the protein in their mothers milk. Or possibly something I am eating. He is betting on the protein. So with formula no other food will be getting in, we know whats in it. He gave us a special hypo-allergenic formula that breaks down the protein. If that doesn't work we try another one that breaks it down even more. Many of you know that I too have fairly bad eczema. He kept asking me what I am allergic too because maybe that would give us a hint as to what Eli is allergic too, and I kept saying I really don't know. So I am going to ask my doctor to send me for allergy testing, I know it could take a while, but they won't do it on a baby and its worth a shot.

Eli is NOT at all happy about this formula idea the first feeding went REALLY bad. I am persistent however and by the second feed he actually took it really well. (He wasn't as hungry this time, so a little less frantic. Plus I put a little breast milk in it, not much but I will slowly decrease that amount until he is getting only formula.)

Yes it is sad to quit but if it has any chance of helping him than I am going take that chance. Oh yeah also the fact that he itches and then rubs his eyes is giving him eye infections, so we have to try to take care of that as well.

April's drawing

2011-04-29T14:33:00.000-07:00

I said I would post at least one drawing or painting or something creative a month. Well its April.29th and here it is... I have so many ideas right now, we will see how many pictures we get for May. This has no title as I am extremely bad at titles. It was done entirely in Sharpie markers. Usually I work on something like this for a whole day and get it all done at once, however a certain little person has made that impossible so this piece took me probably a week to complete.

In other news on whim pretty much (there really wasn't a plan to do so until the night before.) Eli and I and Keta too, went to Drayton Valley for Easter to visit with Michael's side of the family. I was a little nervous okay a lot nervous about driving 6 hours with a small baby and a large drooling dog all by myself, but it actually went quite well and I am glad I did. Eli was able to spend some time with his other grandparents and see his very proud Auntie. All in all a very successful outing.

Mish mash of stuff

2011-04-12T18:26:00.000-07:00

First, Dairy free seems to have been a bust. Eli's eczema is worse than ever in fact he has been so uncomfortable and scratching so much the skin has got infected. He is now wearing socks on his hands to keep him from scratching. We saw another doctor yesterday, got an antibiotic and a 3rd cortisone cream to try. I had asked for a referral to a dermatologist for him but it looks like that isn't gonna happen for a while, my dermatologist is on holidays 'til the end of May and the only other one in saskatoon said they are booking into fall. So we are just going to have to tough it out and try as much as we can until we can get in to see someone. I've also thought about taking him to a homeopathic doctor to see if we can make any improvements that way. I am willing to try anything at this point, I just really want him to feel better.

Second, I really want to get back into my art work and just using some of my creative energy. I definatly think that I feel better when I am creating, so you dear readers (reader? lol) are my witness that I want to make a commitment to have at lease one drawing/painting done a month. It's very important to me that I keep that part of my life going and there are times when I have an hour or two here and there and I think its good to do something productive with my time. Its something that I feel keeps me sane and keeps me, me. I will post my work here.

Third and finally, Some of you know that I just came out surgery. I had a repair that needed... well repairing. Having Eli took a lot out of my body and it was something that I really needed. I can now look forward to another 6 week healing process. I have to say though it was awesome to see my family come together and really help me out. Mike watched Eli overnight while I was in the hospital. Not an easy feat, especially when you are missing a key body part ;). My parents watched him too and really encouraged me to stay with them and take the time to heal. They gave me a lot of support and just being around to watch the baby so I could rest when I needed to rest. They were awesome, but I was getting home sick, so we are home now and just taking it easy. Surgery was last Tuesday and we got home yesterday evening.

I'm an optimistic pessimist

2011-04-02T21:34:00.000-07:00

This is just something that I thought was pretty funny and worth posting. Now when I look at my post baby body I don't have anything bad to say, just that I wish I had appreciated my body before I had Eli. Then I think that I didn't appreciate my body in high school then it has gotten progressively worse, well not worse just different, this leaves me thinking that I shouldn't think badly about my body anymore, I should just appreciate it now because its just down hill from here. Now I realize that, that is pretty pessimistic. I think my pessimism is pretty funny. I blogged before about my expectations around having a new baby in the house. Of course I thought it would be so bad that I was pleasantly surprised and now I wonder if I'm not an optimistic pessimist.
My best friend is a CRAZY optimist, she thinks the best of everything and usually she's disappointed. I think that we make a hilarious pair. We went to New York City together and we stayed in hostil. When we got to our room I was so happy I thought wow we did really well, we have our own room, the door locks, there is even a tv in the room, its not nearly as dumpy as I anticipated. You couldn't ask much more for 25$ a night. On the other hand she was super disappointed saying that it was dumpy and she expected there to be a kitchen in our room, she thought the room would be bigger and there would be a view of the city. (Our room looked out on a brick wall, but hey that's better than looking out on some adult book store or something. lol) All this to say that some days I think my pessimism turns out to be an asset.

first recipe

2011-03-29T12:37:00.000-07:00

I wanted to have more discussions bout cooking and food on my blog but I don't feel right about posting recipes that I didn't make up myself. So I have starting writing down all my ideas in an attempt to try them, I will post my adventures here.
Yesterday it was Chicken lemon potatoe pot pies. I LOVE chicken lemon rice soup and starting thinking that it would make a tasty filling for a pot pie. So here it is...
Obviously you need a pie crust you can buy one but I think homemade is always better and more fun too. This is the pie crust recipe I use..http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Never-Fail-Pie-Crust-II/Detail.aspx

-Roughly 1lb of chicken ( I used breasts but you could use thighs too.)
-1 onion diced
-3 cloves garlic
-3 stalks celery roughly chopped
-The juice and zest of 2 lemons
-1 egg
-2 lrg poatoes cubed and cooked
-1/2 tsp oregano
-1/2 tsp basil
- 2 cups chicken broth
-freshly ground black pepper

Boil potatoes and set aside. In a medium to large skillet cook chicken in olive oil just over medium heat just til cooked through. Set chicken aside in a plate. In the same skillet sautee onion and garlic, when soft and translucent add celery and chicken stock In a seperate bowl juice and zest lemon then beat egg into lemon juice. After about 3-5 mins of celery and onions cooking add potatoes and chicken back to the pan, add the spices then stir in lemon egg mixture.

Let simmer so that it can the juices can thicken up.
Pour into pie crusts and cover with top crust. Bake at 350 for about an hour or til golden brown.

This made 1 large pie as well as 3 mini single serving pies which I froze for later. And a single pie crust that I froze and will use later for a cream pie. I was fairly happy with results it had a pretty good flavor. I thought next time it might be nice to put lemon zest in the dough.

Mennonite girls cook indian food?

2011-03-24T12:41:00.000-07:00

When Nicole came last week, (she was here from Wednesday 'til Sunday) I wanted to blog about our adventures in indian food cooking. I was going to take pictures but that day Michael had the camera so alas I have no pictures to show. Wednesday we made samosas, that yummy sauce that goes with the samosas, ground beef curry, basmati rice and unsuccessful naan bread. The samosas were delicious and not very hard just time consuming. Nicole got frustrated filling them and they went from normal samosa size to perogie size and then calzone size. The big challenge was the sauce. In order to make it you need tamrind. It is a very strange fruit? Nut? Something strange.

Lets just say it, they look like poo. But you crack them open and we made a paste out of the pulp in the food processor then we made the sauce. In order to make the naan bread we had to have bread flour, unfortunately the only bread flour our co-op had was multi grain. Our bread was very healthy tasting to say the least. Hard and crunchy and just plain not good. Do not made naan with multi grain flour.

Then on Thursday we made butter chicken, basmati rice and cauliflower curry. Butter chicken was amazing and I will be putting that on our regular dinner rotation, we all loved it.
On Friday we made a sort of shrimp stir fry curry and rice, then we made the chai tea cake for her birthday. I made butter cream icing for the first time. Very successful.

I really love kitchen adventures, and I hope to start focusing on cooking a little more in my blog maybe posting some recipes. Eli likes to sit in the baby carrier while I cook or he sits in his vibrating chair and watches me, its awesome to see that I can still do the things I love with the baby, as he gets older I hope to get him helping in the kitchen. Some of my most fond memories are cooking with my mom. Making perogies or cookies or whatever it was always fun and I always learned a lot. I hope to pas those sorts of memories onto my babies.

Gun day

2011-03-15T12:53:00.000-07:00

I've been taking the hunters safety course in the evening 2 nights a week. it's fun because they have an indoor range and when we finish our book work we get to go shoot. Lots of fun. Most people do not realize that this class is actually a government requirement in order to be a gun order and or to hunt. You cannot apply for a firearms liscence without proof of passing the course. There is a provincial text book and a federal text book. I took my provincial test and passed with a 94%. Tonight is my last night, I will be writing my federal test tonight as well as the restricted test which will allow me to possess and acquire handguns. Once there is proof that I have passed these test and successfully completed the course I can then start the application process. Its alot like applying for a passport you need gaurenters and references. It is not nearly as easy to buy a gun as people think it is. I like to target shoot and I plan to try upland game bird hunting next fall.
Update: i got 100% on the federal!! And 94% on the restricted!

Allergies?

2011-03-11T15:02:00.000-08:00

Pretty much since the beginning Eli has had a rash on his face, at first it looked like infant acne, then it got worse. Turns out its eczema. I have had a lot of problems in the past with eczema and when we saw the doctor, he looked at my arm and then announced, "He has eczema, looks like he got it from you, its hereditary." AKA you broke your baby with your sucky genetics. Thanks. He's also been kinda colicky so my health nurse suggested cutting out dairy in my diet. Frankly that's just mean! ALL of my favourite foods are dairy, cheese, cheesecake, ice cream, ice cream cake, you can see where I'm going here. Either way I've been clean for almost a week, his face looks a ton better (although that could also be the medicated cream). But he is in a WAY better mood most of the time. Now its still too early to tell but I feel like this little change has made a difference in his over all mood. I'm hoping to see if it does anything for my skin, nothing yet, but it hasn't even been a week so you never know.

Worried

2011-02-28T11:14:00.000-08:00

I'm not, but it seems everyone else would like me to be. As a new mom I am constantly bombarded by messages telling me to worry about SIDS, childhood illness, vaccines, crocodiles in the back yard you name it. While I was pregnant I started getting emails form baby center, it was a way to keep track of the pregnancy and it was fun stuff like how your baby is growing now and lots of good helpful information. Now that Eli is here they send information related to his age, milestones and the like. The other day while I was reading this there was an article entitled "Does kissing your baby increase their risk of SIDS?" That is it, I will not be reading those anymore! I understand education but there is a fine line between education and fear mongering. I refuse to live my life in fear of something happening. I've been told a number of times that I am a very laid back new mom. Sometimes that makes me worry that maybe I am too laid back maybe I'm not worried enough.... Then the worry about worrying seems worry enough.
He's had a cold this week with lots of congestion and coughing no fever though thank goodness. Its not easy watching such a little guy struggle with a cold but all I can do is make him comfortable run the humidifier in his room and try to use the bulb syringe to get rid of mucus (not that I've been too successful.) I have to let the cold go away on its own for the most part. I have to trust the Lord that he can take care of this. He placed Eli in my womb he allowed him to grow and come into the world, I think that he can take care of anything else that comes our way. Having said all that, it doesn't mean that I won't safe guard him from things that I know are dangerous, I'm not sending him out to play with rattle snakes anytime soon, but I am going to leave the things that I can't control to the Lord who can .

Questions

2011-02-05T10:07:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking and wondering lately, how will this generation be affected by their parents sharing everything about them on the internet? Our kids lives are being broadcast on facebook and personal blogs. How will our children feel about this when they are older? Will it affect them at all? Will it feel like an invasion of their privacy or will it simply be the norm? At this point I'm not for or against it but as with all things I think that it is something to think about. I shouldn't do it blindly without considering consequences simply because it seems normal. Everyone's doing it. This is the first generation that will have to deal with this. Maybe it will be more of an issue in the teen years. Then again are we teaching them to overshare and be under cautious? I'm interested to hear your feedback in the comments. Please feel free to weigh in.

In the beginnning what I didn't know

2011-01-24T11:25:00.000-08:00

I just finished my study of Genesis. Now having grown up in a church and having gone to Sunday school, I thought that I wasn't going to learn much from genesis after all I knew the story. In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth... yadda yadda yadda. Turns out the book of Genesis is a fairly nefarious tale. There are Many stories that you never want to see a children's coloring page for. Like Lot sleeping with his daughters, Or Jacob's daughters rape which lead to the mass murder of an intire town the perpetrators being Jacob's sons. Oh I could go on and on. Every single story is at least R rated. But the more I studied it the more I could see that it really is true that God is the same yesterday today and tomorrow. He did not pick "good" people. In fact he picked some of the worst people to save and they did nothing to merit God's favor. The whole book really points too Jesus and that we aren't good enough to earn God's favor no one is. Also it showed that God chose a very sorted family to be the family line that Jesus would be born into. The line of Juda, a man who had children with his daughter in law when he mistook her for a prostitute. Like I said nefarious stories, not what the typical person expects to see in the bible. Long story short I would encourage people to read things for themselves and question what you think you know of the bible.

The cursed outfit

2011-01-14T17:08:00.000-08:00

My Mother gave me a very cute outfit for Eli. I wanted to take a picture of him in it and send it to her. The first time I put it on him, we didn't have time to take a picture because that was the day he had his first diaper blow out. Yellow mustard if you will, all the way up the back and in his hair. Soaked through the 3 layers of white outfit. Today I tried again and I got the picture.

Seconds after this picture was taken, something crazy happened. I don't know how, but he peed up the back of the outfit again soaking all three layers. This outfit is cursed. I am nervous now for him to wear and never in public will he wear it, the risks are too great. |That is what we get for putting him in white! Just something that gave me a giggle today.

Expectations

2011-01-12T18:19:00.000-08:00

So before Eli was born I kinda psyched myself up, that it was going to be awful. This was my vision of how life was going to be with a newborn. I was going to feel...
1.)depressed
2.)super sore and in pain,
3.)like I was nothing but a feeding machine,
4.)have time for absolutley nothing not even to shower in the morning.
5.)trapped inside the house
6.) exhausted with a baby who won"t stop screaming and very possibly impatient as well

I happy to report that life is sunnier than all that. Perhaps having realistic expectations have helped me in adjusting. I have not felt depressed at all (thank goodness). While I am still quite sore it is nothing overwhelming and I am coping with it. It is definatley humbling to know that I am the only person able to feed my baby. That can be a little overwhelming if I think about it too much, but again I'm dealing with it and I have a wonderful supportive husband who is willing to do one feed in the night if I pump before hand, which really helps. I have enough time to do things I need to do if I plan them out right. I think that I am actually getting more done now than before because before I didn't have any motivation there was no deadline pressing upon me. Now however I want to get things done while I can 'cause who knows when he will need me again. I don't feel trapped inside the house not yet at least. I can go anywhere I need to go it just takes a little more time and planning ahead. Some days I am quite tired from staying up with him all night but I can usually get a nap in during the day while he sleeps so all in all things are not nearly as bad as I thought they would be in fact things aren't bad at all. I love that little boy more than I can tell you, and everything is so worth it at the end of the day. I wouldn't trade him for anything.

birth story

2011-01-01T13:42:00.000-08:00

Baby Eli John Benelli Plag arrived at 5:04am on the 27th of December. For those of you who are obsessed with birth stories (I know your out there) here it is. For anyone who's squeamish feel free to skip.

It wasn't exactly the natural birth experience that I have hoped for. I am at peace with it though because at the end of the day Eli is here safe and healthy and how we got there doesn't seem to be as important anymore. On the 26th we were 10 days over due and my doctor agreed to do an induction. So we went into RUH in the afternoon on the 26th. They gave me Cervadill to get things going, after multiple checks and monitoring nothing was happening so they sent me home, I was told that it doesn't always take the first time so if nothing happened to come back in the morning to try again. We went to a friends house for coffee still nothing then we headed out to my parents house for the night. On the way there I started to feel some contractions and a sore back, when we got there I decided to take a warm bath, it did not help and I was having very strong contractions but they weren't in a pattern so I tried to go to bed. WOW that was not happening at that point I was having trouble walking and finding any position uncomfortable. I had a contraction that lasted five minutes without a break, that is when we decided it was probably real this time and we made our way to the hospital. We arrived around 12:30ish pm, I was checked about 1am and I was 3cm, they sent us down to labor and delivery. At this point my contractions were very strong and 30 seconds apart at the best of times, on top of each other with no breaks at the worst of times. I decided at this point to get the epidural. It took a long time and 5 separate tries to get in to my back, I have to say it don't think they ever got it in the right place because it didn't do much. I still felt everything. I went from 3-10cm in 2hrs! Eli's heart rate kept going down and they were concerned about him he got the internal monitor. I started pushing a little early because I had a real erg and they just wanted to get him out because he was so stressed out. I pushed for 2hrs. It was exhausting and I was getting so tired. Mikey was so great supportive, and wonderful during everything. The nurses said he was just like a doula. I don't know what I would have done without him. It was taking too long and Eli continued to be in distress so they decided to help with the vacuum. He had the cord wrapped around his hands, he was purple and grey so they took him right away to clean out his airway and check him over. Thank goodness he was okay and they brought him over to me. I couldn't believe what a high I was on after the birth. They didn't notice delivering the placenta and I didn't feel anything when they gave me the stitches all the tired weariness I had felt disappeared when I saw my beautiful baby boy. Eli is gorgeous and perfect and I love him so much it hurts. So at the end of the day like I said it doesn't matter how he got here just that he is here, and I did what I needed to do in the moment.
Thanks for reading.

Overdue... Early labour?

2010-12-21T18:06:00.000-08:00

So for those of you wondering whats going on.... I am STILL pregnant. Last Wednesday I went to stay in Saskatoon, saw my doctor on Thursday and he said he figured sometime this week. ( I was due Thursday the 16th) On Sunday I had a good day and felt fine all day, went to church in the morning and then to the church Christmas musical in the evening. Went to bed around 11:15ish, woke up at 12:30ish not quite feeling right, felt like I needed to go to the bathroom so that is what I did while I was in there I had a very strong contraction which was nothing like what I had been feeling up till now. I thought that I was going to start vomiting, but I didn't. Made it back to the bedroom and got on my hands and knees to help with the pain, then a second one hit me and they were coming about 5mins apart. So I told Cheryl and got dressed, she called Mikey and Nicole. they drove me to the hospital I had a few more in the car and on the way up to labour and delievery and then as soon as I sat down in assessment it all slowed down. So Nicole and I walked the halls and climbed all the stairs trying to keep it going, Michael got there around 3am and it was becoming apparent that there might not be anything happening tonight. I was told this was early labour and it could last a couple of days, so they sent us back home at 8:30 AM. Mike now has some time off and I am back at home in Wilkie. The wait continues...

Culture

2010-12-07T13:41:00.000-08:00

I was just reading Mark Driscoll's recent blog post about Christians and culture. Which you can read here. http://theresurgence.com/2010/12/07/why-christians-go-postal-over-facebook-jay-z-yoga-avatar-and-culture-in-general
It really got me thinking about this topic, I know it is super controversial but that is okay with me, I will still say what I am going to say and you don't have to agree with me at all. I thought it was really interesting what he said about how we can't just completely shelter our children, but instead we have to have discussions and teach them to view all things objectively. He says that this is what accounts for so many christian children going astray once they leave the family home. It made me think about all the kids my age who I grew up with who claimed (myself included) to be Christians and love the Lord but at the end of the day walked away. I now see a lot of these people completely turning away and many of them now claim to be atheists and agnostics. I realized that speaking for myself I really didn't have any roots, I didn't have any sound biblical knowledge. What I did have was a lack of knowledge when it came to the world. I was quite naive and I really thought everyone knew about Jesus everyone was saved and everyone was pretty much a "good" person. Being so sheltered I think does set you up for a fall in the real world. The article talks about wanting your kids to remain innocent but not wanting them to be naive. I think everything we experience and view in the world needs to be taken with a grain of salt we need to be aware and not mindlessly absorbing the culture around us.

I think also that the same thing can be said about supposedly christian culture. Its important that we don't just mindlessly allow ourselves and our children to watch or listen to something simply because it has been labeled as "christian". There is so much false doctrine in the world and we need to be mindful of that and as discerning as we possibly can be. I know some people would say its a bad thing but I personally have cannot tolerate "christian" music and I am not saying it is a bad thing, if you enjoy it then by all means good for you. But it is something I have struggled with, its not that I dislike the message (and often times there isn't one) its that I dislike the music, its not something I can get into. I think that I have now come to a point that I am happy with, two things I do... First of all and this may sound silly but I enjoy music in foreign languages (like Rammestein) I am a huge metal fan and when its in a foreign language I can't understand the lyrics and can't be tripped up by them and I am in that sense enjoying the just the sound. Second thing is that I have actually noticed that sometimes when I am listening to something hearing a lyric that I know is wrong, will make me think more than when I hear something that is right but it is very important I am always aware of what it is that I am hearing, and usually if I am singing along and something that is wrong comes up I change the lyric as I sing it. Now maybe that second tactic won't work as well when I have impressionable ears listening but I guess that could be opportunity for discussion as well. Again you don't have to agree with me but I would love to hear your thoughts and comments on this subject.

By the twitching in my belly something wonderful this way comes...

2010-12-06T20:15:00.000-08:00

So that little baby on the ticker keeps getting further and further and further to the end... 10 days 'til my due date. It may be wishful thinking but I feel like something is beginning to happen. On both Saturday and Sunday night I was up quite a bit in the night with contractions that I would classify as more painful than uncomfortable. (Everyone always says braxton hicks don't hurt but I don't know about that.) On this past Thursday the doctor said I was 1 cm dilated but that his head was not engaged, he figured that it would another 2 weeks at least. Obviously however its just an educated guess and he can't be certain of anything. I also am getting more and more back pain. So possibly things are moving along, I hope.

Rapunzel rapunzel

2010-11-27T09:47:00.000-08:00

SO here are some pictures of those aforementioned hair extensions...

I love my web cam. Any way I am wearing it up in a pony tail like the first picture for now, its a lot of hair and never having had long hair I'm not really sure what to do with it all.

Baby shower and reflections of beauty.

2010-11-26T17:23:00.000-08:00

This past Sunday was my baby shower, Nicole did a great job of organizing everything. Here is a picture of the beautiful cake she had made for the party.

I was a good day and I was really thankful for all the gifts that we received. Its hard to believe that we are finally at 37 weeks. I'm starting to get more and more uncomfortable its strange how fast things change I really felt okay last week, now I feel really achy, huge and tired.

About a month ago I bought some clip in hair extensions, and today they finally came in the mail. I am excited they look really cool, I just need to practice putting them in so you can't tell. It's neat to be able to see what my hair would look like if it was longer and just to play around with different things. I love experimenting with my hair and makeup, but having said that I'm trying really hard not to be too obsessive about looks. I feel like it is really a fine line, there really is a push from society that we need to look presentable and put together to be in the world and there is a sense where I do agree with that. Taking care of yourself is definitely a reflection on the person whether that is a good or bad thing it is the truth. On the other end of things you don't want worry about your looks so much that you become someone who spends all their time money and energy on beauty, and it thereby becomes an idol. This is a concept I think I struggle with a little bit. I wonder where presenting ones self in a favorable light stops and obsession starts. I have not yet come to a place where I am happy with where I am in that continuum. I think it is made harder yet by the fact that I enjoy trying new things I enjoy fashion and beauty. I geuss there is a line where a hobbie or an interest becomes something more than that but when that hobby or interest becomes something that you have to do each day the line gets blurred even more.

Change of heart

2010-11-10T18:34:00.000-08:00

Today my mighty hunter went out and came home with a deer for us. Now lets rewind 3 years.... I was terrified of guns and not only horrified but disgusted with the idea of hunting. Fast forward to today and I not only am overjoyed and super thankful with Michael's recent kill, but I also own my own gun, I plan on trying to hunt pheasant next year. (When I'm no longer pregnant)

There are so many benefits that hunting brings our family. It give Michael such a sense of accomplishment, that he has really provided for his family. It fills our freezer. I know with certainty that the meat we get is antibiotic hormone free. Its free range, and it is so lean there really isn't any fat on it at all, so much so that when Mike makes it into sausage he has to add pork just so there is enough fat to bind it all together so it won't fall apart. One deer has lasted us a whole year.

As for believing that hunting is a barbaric act, there are so many things that I didn't know about it. People cannot just go out and shoot anything that they want, they have to have tags there are limits as to how many animals you can have. Most hunters take great pains to not allow the animal to suffer any. There are stringent gun laws to obey, which most people don`t realize, there are conservation officers out enforcing all of this.

I also think its important to note that most of us don`t know where our food really comes from and unless you are a strict vegetarian a lot of the food we eat has come from an animal and someone had to kill that animal. It has given me a new appreciation for the animals that sacrifice their lives for us. I think that all of us have to exam whether we are okay with an animal dying for our meals. That is something that I am okay with, because I believe we have dominion over animals, but so many of us go to the grocery store and pick up prepackaged meat without ever giving it any thought at all.
So all of that to say that I am thankful for my husbands ability to put food on our table and for open my eyes to all these things.

Preparation and more scans

2010-11-03T15:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the big day, my last shift at work!!! Officially my mat leave starts tomorrow but my last shift was yesterday. Which also make me 34 weeks. I'm starting to wonder if I should pack that hospital bag, but it seems way too early I was going to have it ready for 37 weeks full term. Then I start thinking well if I'm packing my bag and I want the car seat installed and all that good stuff down for 37 weeks, should I start thinking about staying in Saskatoon around that time? But if I do, it could be a long stay especially if I go overdue... So much to think about. I started making meals to freeze for those times when I have a screaming baby I'm hungry and I don't want to cook. So far I have 3 ziplock bags of Zummaborscht (its Mennonite soup), 2 lasagnas, 2 baked chicken fettuccine alfredo, 2 homemade bbq chicken calzones and I just finished some homemade ravioli... I'll probably make some more soups and some shepards pies maybe some potpies too. I want a lot to chose from, give myself no excuse to stop eating, because if I am going to be this babies primary food source I should really make sure that I am healthy and taken care of too.

A couple of new scan pictures still working on it but I definatley have a favorite in this batch.

This one was hard to get but it is my favorite. Its hard to press the button while your head and arms are on the scanner :)

sour morning, new hobby?

2010-10-31T09:13:00.000-07:00

So this morning I got up with every intention of going to church. I got ready did my hair, put on a face and walked out the door. As I was driving down the highway this semi was coming towards me on the other lane, as it passed by I heard an enormous thunk noise and glass came flying at me. Shaken and not really sure of what just happened I pulled over. A piece of ice or some other debris must have fallen off the semi. I looked and looked at the windshield but couldn't see anything, then I looked up and right above the mirror, there was a very nice looking hole. So around I turned and headed back home, guess I wasn't supposed to go anywhere today.

In other news I think I may have found a new hobby. I love art but I get board with doing the same thing all the time and that is when I discovered something called "scanography". What is that? Well, I'm glad you asked. It is the process of arranging various household items on a computer scanner and using that to create artful pictures. SO MUCH FUN! Admittedly I am not very good at it yet and need to practice, but it is really cool because there are so many options. It really is a very creative art form and forces you to look at every day objects in a different light. There are absolutely no limit, you really could do anything. I know I have heard a lot of artists say that they never enjoyed open ended art assignments where there were no guidelines or limits, because they felt there were too many possibilities and they couldn't focus. I have always felt the opposite way, guidelines limit me and put me in a box I like the freedom of anything being possible. This is the first time I think I have been overwhelmed with possibility.
with out further delay I will show you what I have tried so far... I think its a working progress. Attempt number 1

I'm not crazy about.. so I tried again...

Glass beads, feathers, steak knives and a couch pillow.... not bad. Then I tried to recreate a painting idea I had in my head that never seemed to work out.

Its clear I need more practice. I'm sure you'll see more of these in the future. So much fun, and I'm already scowering the house for objects that will look cool, I have a few ideas.

Screaming daisies

2010-10-27T21:20:00.000-07:00

Inspiration stole my entire afternoon, but I am happy with the results.
Hopefully I can spend some time on art work while I am on mat leave. Who knows when I will have the time or the energy to work on it again.

Greatful, thankful reflection

2010-10-21T22:50:00.000-07:00

Today I was thinking about my past struggles with anxiety, and realized its been a whole year since I stopped seeing my counselor. The reason I stopped was because we both agreed that there was no longer anything to talk about I was dealing with my anxiety very well I hadn't had a panic attack in a couple of weeks and they were becoming less frequent and less intense, I was learning to deal with them in a more productive manner. I left counseling knowing that if things were to fall apart again I could always return. Well one year later I can say that it hasn't changed I feel 1 hundred percent better and haven't had 1 episode since leaving my counseling sessions! I started to reflect on this because it is October and for as long as I can remember changing seasons have been a trigger for me, and its not an issue anymore. I am just so thankful that the Lord has been able to bring me through this. There was a time that I thought I just needed to pray, read my bible and trust more. It felt like seeking counseling would mean that I didn't trust my God to take care of me, but the truth is that it was an illness. It does not mean that I do not trust my God, if I was physically ill I would see a doctor and would never say if I just believe God will take care of me. The fact of the matter is that God has put me in a place and time where there are people who have the expertise to take care of these problems, not only that but he has given me the means to access this services.
One of my many motivations for dealing with problem once and for all was that I did want to start a family and I didn't want to bring my child into a home with a mother who was unable to deal with everyday life. I didn't want to expose him to all of my fears and insecurities and now I can say I have taken large steps towards that goal.

The tale of a nursery

2010-10-18T18:51:00.000-07:00

Thanks to a lot of elbow grease and only a little complaining from Michael the nursery is finished!

Sorta a before picture Mikey just finished the ceiling and is working on trim.

The finished room ( well part of it) The crib and the mural. The mural was really frustrating and took us until 2:00am one night to get it down, but I am so happy with the results it looks great.

The change table filled with clothe diapers. Washed stuffed with liners, set to the smallest size ready to go.

Dresser and more of the mural.

A full view of the mural with no furniture in way. Like I said it may have been a pain in the butt, but I am really happy with it.
I also love the colors we chose and actually I have to give Mikey credit for the yellow wall trim 'cause he picked it out.

Also I was really surprised with all the views already, I really did not expect that many people to read it, and at first I thought "oh, maybe I should not have written that because so many people saw it." But I have decided I am happy with it and I think that I want to just be genuine and not worry about who is reading it. If I am just honest and myself then I have nothing to worry about.

First blog post

2010-10-15T15:27:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about starting a blog, but was a little overwhelmed by the undertaking (I am not very technologically advanced) and I didn't really think I had much to say. However it wasn't that hard to get started, and when I was in high school I kept meticulous journals. I still have them, I don't know what to do with them but can't bear the idea of throwing them away. It really is a snap shot into that whole era of my life and I love looking back sometimes its sad to relieve the bad times and sometimes its funny to see how naive I was but overall I like having them. With this baby on his way I thought it would be nice to chronicle my life once again, because I know time goes by quickly and I want a snapshot of what my life was like when he was born. I took a lot of inspiration from watching Kim and Julie doing their 365 projects, I am not a photographer by any means but I think that it is really cool for Kim and her whole family to be able to look back at her everyday life for an entire year. I hope to use the blog in that way.

Yesterday I had my last ultrasound. 31 weeks! This baby is on his way. I was told he is 3lbs 11oz and looks healthy. He is head down so he is ready to make his escape. Which brings me to what I have been thinking lately, I have been quite afraid of labor and pretty much assumed I would have an epidural and really was very willing to hand the whole experience over to some doctor and felt like saying "wake me up when its over please". But a certain somebody blogged about a movie called "the buisness of being born" which got me thinking a lot and researching a lot. Now before I say what I am about to say, I would like to say (whew that was alot of says in sentence) this is not a reflection of how I feel ALL women should do things. I think its a personal choice that you need to be made with prayer and much discussion. After research and prayer and discussion with hubby, I have come to the conclusion that I want a natural childbirth. Now this sounds like naivity probably but, I don't think I will be disappointed in myself if I do end up needing help. Having said that though it just really came to my attention and was laid upon my heart that I did not trust that God made me to be able to do this. I felt that doctors and nurses took a central role in delivering the baby and while I do not want to diminish the role they play, the truth is that God put this baby in my body he has kept my baby safe thus far. He has allowed me to be healthy enough to carry this baby, he has designed my body in such a way that not only can it support the baby and help him grow but it can deliver him into the world. So having said all that I feel that having a natural birth and being open to that experience is way for me to show that I trust the lord. And again in no way does that mean if you have an epidural you don't trust God that is not what I am saying at all. This is just something I feel I need to do for my own personal growth.