I've been thinking about starting a blog, but was a little overwhelmed by the undertaking (I am not very technologically advanced) and I didn't really think I had much to say. However it wasn't that hard to get started, and when I was in high school I kept meticulous journals. I still have them, I don't know what to do with them but can't bear the idea of throwing them away. It really is a snap shot into that whole era of my life and I love looking back sometimes its sad to relieve the bad times and sometimes its funny to see how naive I was but overall I like having them. With this baby on his way I thought it would be nice to chronicle my life once again, because I know time goes by quickly and I want a snapshot of what my life was like when he was born. I took a lot of inspiration from watching Kim and Julie doing their 365 projects, I am not a photographer by any means but I think that it is really cool for Kim and her whole family to be able to look back at her everyday life for an entire year. I hope to use the blog in that way.
Yesterday I had my last ultrasound. 31 weeks! This baby is on his way. I was told he is 3lbs 11oz and looks healthy. He is head down so he is ready to make his escape. Which brings me to what I have been thinking lately, I have been quite afraid of labor and pretty much assumed I would have an epidural and really was very willing to hand the whole experience over to some doctor and felt like saying "wake me up when its over please". But a certain somebody blogged about a movie called "the buisness of being born" which got me thinking a lot and researching a lot. Now before I say what I am about to say, I would like to say (whew that was alot of says in sentence) this is not a reflection of how I feel ALL women should do things. I think its a personal choice that you need to be made with prayer and much discussion. After research and prayer and discussion with hubby, I have come to the conclusion that I want a natural childbirth. Now this sounds like naivity probably but, I don't think I will be disappointed in myself if I do end up needing help. Having said that though it just really came to my attention and was laid upon my heart that I did not trust that God made me to be able to do this. I felt that doctors and nurses took a central role in delivering the baby and while I do not want to diminish the role they play, the truth is that God put this baby in my body he has kept my baby safe thus far. He has allowed me to be healthy enough to carry this baby, he has designed my body in such a way that not only can it support the baby and help him grow but it can deliver him into the world. So having said all that I feel that having a natural birth and being open to that experience is way for me to show that I trust the lord. And again in no way does that mean if you have an epidural you don't trust God that is not what I am saying at all. This is just something I feel I need to do for my own personal growth.