Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Overdue... Early labour?

So for those of you wondering whats going on.... I am STILL pregnant.  Last Wednesday I went to stay in Saskatoon, saw my doctor on Thursday and he said he figured sometime this week. ( I was due Thursday the 16th) On Sunday I had a good day and felt fine all day, went to church in the morning and then to the church Christmas musical in the evening.  Went to bed around 11:15ish, woke up at 12:30ish not quite feeling right, felt like I needed to go to the bathroom so that is what I did while I was in there I had a very strong contraction which was nothing like what I had been feeling up till now. I thought that I was going to start vomiting, but I didn't.  Made it back to the bedroom and got on my hands and knees to help with the pain, then a second one hit me and they were coming about 5mins apart.  So I told Cheryl and got dressed, she called Mikey and Nicole.   they drove me to the hospital I had a few more in the car and on the way up to labour and delievery and then as soon as I sat down in assessment it all slowed down.  So Nicole and I walked the halls and climbed all the stairs trying to keep it going, Michael got there around 3am and it was becoming apparent that there might not be anything happening tonight.   I was told this was early labour and it could last a couple of days, so they sent us back home at 8:30 AM.   Mike now has some time off and I am back at home in Wilkie.  The wait continues...

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Culture

I was just reading Mark Driscoll's recent blog post about Christians and culture.  Which you can read here.   http://theresurgence.com/2010/12/07/why-christians-go-postal-over-facebook-jay-z-yoga-avatar-and-culture-in-general
It really got me thinking about this topic, I know it is super controversial but that is okay with me, I will still say what I am going to say and you don't have to agree with me at all.   I thought it was really interesting what he said about how we can't just completely shelter our children, but instead we have to have discussions and teach them to view all things objectively.  He says that this is what accounts for so many christian children going astray once they leave the family home.   It made me think about all the kids my age who I grew up with who claimed (myself included) to be Christians and love the Lord but at the end of the day walked away.  I now see a lot of these people completely turning away and many of them now claim to be atheists and agnostics.  I realized that speaking for myself I really didn't have any roots, I didn't have any sound biblical knowledge.  What I did have was a lack of knowledge when it came to the world.  I was quite naive and I really thought everyone knew about Jesus everyone was saved and everyone was pretty much a "good" person.  Being so sheltered I think does set you up for a fall in the real world.  The article talks about wanting your kids to remain innocent but not wanting them to be naive.  I think everything we experience and view in the  world needs to be taken with a grain of salt we need to be aware and not mindlessly absorbing the culture around us. 

I think also that the same thing can be said about supposedly christian culture.  Its important that we don't just mindlessly allow ourselves and our children to watch or listen to something simply because it has been labeled as "christian".  There is so much false doctrine in the world and we need to be mindful of that and as discerning as we possibly can be.  I know some people would say its a bad thing but I personally have cannot tolerate "christian" music and I am not saying it is a bad thing, if you enjoy it then by all means good for you.  But it is something I have struggled with, its not that I dislike the message (and often times there isn't one)  its that I dislike the music, its not something I can get into.  I think that I have now come to a point that I am happy with, two things I do... First of all and this may sound silly but I enjoy music in foreign languages (like Rammestein)  I am a huge metal fan and when its in a foreign language I can't understand the lyrics and can't be tripped up by them and I am in that sense enjoying the just the sound. Second thing is that I have actually noticed that sometimes when I am listening to something hearing a lyric that I know is wrong, will make me think more than when I hear something that is right but it is very important I am always aware of what it is that I am hearing, and usually if I am singing along and something that is wrong comes up I change the lyric as I sing it.  Now maybe that second tactic won't work as well when I have impressionable ears listening but I guess that could be opportunity for discussion as well.  Again you don't have to agree with me but I would love to hear your thoughts and comments on this subject.

Monday, December 6, 2010

By the twitching in my belly something wonderful this way comes...

So that little baby on the ticker keeps getting further and further and further to the end...  10 days 'til my due date.  It may be wishful thinking but I feel like something is beginning to happen.  On both Saturday and Sunday night I was up quite a bit  in the night with contractions that I would classify as more painful than uncomfortable. (Everyone always says braxton hicks don't hurt but I don't know about that.) On this past Thursday the doctor said I was 1 cm dilated but that his head was not engaged, he figured that it would another 2 weeks at least.  Obviously however its just an educated guess and he can't be certain of anything.  I also am getting more and more back pain.  So possibly things are moving along, I hope.  

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Rapunzel rapunzel

SO here are some pictures of those aforementioned hair extensions...
I love my web cam.  Any way I am wearing it up in a pony tail like the first picture for now, its a lot of hair and never having had long hair I'm not really sure what to do with it all.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Baby shower and reflections of beauty.

This past Sunday was my baby shower, Nicole did a great job of organizing everything.  Here is a picture of the beautiful cake she had made for the party.
I was a good day and I was really thankful for all the gifts that we received.  Its hard to believe that we are finally at 37 weeks.  I'm starting to get more and more uncomfortable its strange how fast things change I really felt okay last week, now I feel really achy, huge and tired.  


About a month ago I bought some clip in hair extensions, and today they finally came in the mail. I am excited they look really cool, I just need to practice putting them in so you can't tell.  It's neat to be able to see what my hair would look like if it was longer and just to play around with different things.  I love experimenting with my hair and makeup, but having said that I'm trying really hard not to be too obsessive about looks.  I feel like it is really a fine line, there really is a push from society that we need to look presentable and put together to be in the world and there is a sense where I do agree with that.  Taking care of yourself is definitely a reflection on the person whether that is a good or bad thing it is the truth.   On the other end of things you don't want worry about your looks so much that you become someone who spends all their time money and energy on beauty, and it thereby becomes an idol.  This is a concept I think I struggle with a little bit.  I wonder where presenting ones self in a favorable light stops and obsession starts.  I have not yet come to a place where I am happy with where I am in that continuum. I think it is made harder yet by the fact that I enjoy trying new things I enjoy fashion and beauty.  I geuss there is a line where a hobbie or an interest becomes something more than that but when that hobby or interest becomes something that you have to do each day the line gets blurred even more.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Change of heart

Today my mighty hunter went out and came home with a deer for us.  Now lets rewind 3 years.... I was terrified of guns and not only horrified but disgusted with the idea of hunting.  Fast forward to today and I not only am overjoyed and super thankful with Michael's recent kill, but I also own my own gun, I plan on trying to hunt pheasant next year. (When I'm no longer pregnant)

There are so many benefits that hunting brings our family.  It give Michael such a sense of accomplishment, that he has really provided for his family.  It fills our freezer.  I know with certainty that the meat we get is antibiotic hormone free.  Its free range, and it is so lean there really isn't any fat on it at all, so much so that when Mike makes it into sausage he has to add pork just so there is enough fat to bind it all together so it won't fall apart.   One deer has lasted us a whole year.

As for believing that hunting is a barbaric act, there are so many things that I didn't know about it.  People cannot just go out and shoot anything that they want, they have to have tags there are limits as to how many animals you can have.  Most hunters take great pains to not allow the animal to suffer any.  There are stringent gun laws to obey, which most people don`t realize, there are conservation officers out enforcing all of this.

I also think its important to note that most of us don`t know where our food really comes from and unless you are a strict vegetarian a lot of the food we eat has come from an animal and someone had to kill that animal.  It has given me a new appreciation for the animals that sacrifice their lives for us.  I think that all of us have to exam whether we are okay with an animal dying for our meals.  That is something that I am okay with, because I believe we have dominion over animals, but so many of us go to the grocery store and pick up prepackaged meat without ever giving it any thought at all. 
So all of that to say that I am thankful for my husbands ability to put food on our table and for open my eyes to all these things.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Preparation and more scans

Yesterday was the big day, my last shift at work!!! Officially my mat leave starts tomorrow but my last shift was yesterday.  Which also make me 34 weeks.  I'm starting to wonder if I should pack that hospital bag, but it seems way too early I was going to have it ready for 37 weeks full term.  Then I start thinking well if I'm packing my bag and I want the car seat installed and all that good stuff down for 37 weeks, should I start thinking about staying in Saskatoon around that time?  But if I do, it could be a long stay especially if I go overdue... So much to think about.  I started making meals to freeze for those times when I have a screaming baby I'm hungry and I don't want to cook.  So far I have 3 ziplock bags of Zummaborscht (its Mennonite soup), 2 lasagnas, 2 baked chicken fettuccine alfredo, 2 homemade bbq chicken calzones and I just finished some homemade ravioli... I'll probably make some more soups and some shepards pies maybe some potpies too.  I want a lot to chose from, give myself no excuse to stop eating, because if I am going to be this babies primary food source I should really make sure that I am healthy and taken care of too.

A couple of new scan pictures still working on it but I definatley have a favorite in this batch.

 This one was hard to get but it is my favorite.  Its hard to press the button while your head and arms are on the scanner :)


Sunday, October 31, 2010

sour morning, new hobby?

So this morning I got up with every intention of going to church.  I got ready did my hair, put on a face  and walked out the door.  As I was driving down the highway this semi was coming towards me on the other lane, as it passed by I heard an enormous thunk noise and glass came flying at me.  Shaken and not really sure of what just happened I pulled over.  A piece of ice or some other debris must have fallen off the semi.  I looked and looked at the windshield but couldn't see anything, then I looked up and right above the mirror, there was a very nice looking hole. So around I turned and headed back home, guess I wasn't supposed to go anywhere today.

In other news I think I may have found a new hobby.  I love art but I get board with doing the same thing all the time and that is when I discovered something called "scanography".  What is that?  Well, I'm glad you asked.  It is the process of arranging various household items on a computer scanner and using that to create artful pictures.  SO MUCH FUN!  Admittedly I am not very good at it yet and need to practice, but it is really cool because there are so many options.  It really is a very creative art form and forces you to look at every day objects in a different light.  There are absolutely no limit, you really could do anything.  I know I have heard a lot of artists say that they never enjoyed open ended art assignments where there were no guidelines or limits, because they felt there were too many possibilities and they couldn't focus.  I have always felt the opposite way, guidelines limit me and put me in a box I like the freedom of anything being possible.  This is the first time I think I have been overwhelmed with possibility.
with out further delay I will show you what I have tried so far... I think its a working progress.  Attempt number 1

 I'm not crazy about.. so I tried again...
 Glass beads, feathers, steak knives and a couch pillow.... not bad.  Then I tried to recreate a painting idea I had in my head that never seemed to work out.


Its clear I need more practice.  I'm sure you'll see more of these in the future.  So much fun, and I'm already scowering the house for objects that will look cool, I have a few ideas.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Screaming daisies

Inspiration stole my entire afternoon, but I am happy with the results.
Hopefully I can spend some time on art work while I am on mat leave.  Who knows when I will have the time or the energy to work on it again.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Greatful, thankful reflection

Today I was thinking about my past struggles with anxiety, and realized its been a whole year since I stopped seeing my counselor.  The reason I stopped was because we both agreed that there was no longer anything to talk about I was dealing with my anxiety very well I hadn't had a panic attack in a couple of weeks and they were becoming less frequent and less intense, I was learning to deal with them in a more productive manner. I left counseling knowing that if things were to fall apart again I could always return.  Well one year later I can say that it hasn't changed I feel 1 hundred percent better and haven't had 1 episode since leaving my counseling sessions!  I started to reflect on this because it is October and for as long as I can remember changing seasons have been a trigger for me, and its not an issue anymore.   I am just so thankful that the Lord has been able to bring me through this.  There was a time that I thought I just needed to pray, read my bible and trust more.  It felt like seeking counseling would mean that I didn't trust my God to take care of me, but the truth is that it was an illness.  It does not mean that I do not trust my God, if I was physically ill I would see a doctor and would never say if I just believe God will take care of me.  The fact of the matter is that God has put me in a place and time where there are people who have the expertise to take care of these problems, not only that but he has given me the means to access this services.
One of my many motivations for dealing with problem once and for all was that I did want to start a family and I didn't want to bring my child into a home with a mother who was unable to deal with everyday life.  I didn't want to expose him to all of my fears and insecurities and now I can say I have taken large steps towards that goal.

Monday, October 18, 2010

The tale of a nursery

Thanks to a lot of elbow grease and only a little complaining from Michael the nursery is finished!

Sorta a before picture Mikey just finished the ceiling and is working on trim.
The finished room ( well part of it) The crib and the mural.  The mural was really frustrating and took us until 2:00am one night to get it down, but I am so happy with the results it looks great.

The change table filled with clothe diapers.   Washed stuffed with liners, set to the smallest size ready to go.




Dresser and more of the mural.
A full view of  the mural with no furniture in way.  Like I said it may have been a pain in the butt, but I am really happy with it.
I also love the colors we chose and actually I have to give Mikey credit for the yellow wall trim 'cause he picked it out.




Also I was really surprised with all the views already, I really did not expect that many people to read it, and at first I thought "oh, maybe I should not have written that because so many people saw it."  But I have decided I am happy with it and I think that I want to just be genuine and not worry about who is reading it.  If I am just honest and myself then I have nothing to worry about.

Friday, October 15, 2010

First blog post

I've been thinking about starting a blog, but was a little overwhelmed by the undertaking (I am not very technologically advanced) and I didn't really think I had much to say.  However it wasn't that hard to get started, and when I was in high school I kept meticulous journals.  I still have them, I don't know what to do with them but can't bear the idea of throwing them away.  It really is a snap shot into that whole era of my life and I love looking back sometimes its sad to relieve the bad times and sometimes its funny to see how naive I was but overall I like having them.  With this baby on his way I thought it would be nice to chronicle my life once again, because I know time goes by quickly and I want a snapshot of what my life was like when he was born.  I took a lot of inspiration from watching Kim and Julie doing their 365 projects, I am not a photographer by any means but I think that it is really cool for Kim and her whole family to be able to look back at her everyday life for an entire year. I hope to use the blog in that way. 

Yesterday I had my last ultrasound.  31 weeks!  This baby is on his way.  I was told he is 3lbs 11oz and looks healthy.  He is head down so he is ready to make his escape.  Which brings me to what I have been thinking lately, I have been quite afraid of labor and pretty much assumed I would have an epidural and really was very willing to hand the whole experience over to some doctor and felt like saying "wake me up when its over please". But a certain somebody blogged about a movie called "the buisness of being born"  which got me thinking a lot and researching a lot.  Now before I say what I am about to say, I would like to say (whew that was alot of says in sentence) this is not a reflection of how I feel ALL women should do things.  I think its a personal choice that you need to be made with prayer and much discussion.  After research and prayer and discussion with hubby, I have come to the conclusion that I want a natural childbirth.  Now this sounds like naivity probably but, I don't think I will be disappointed in myself if I do end up needing help.  Having said that though it just really came to my attention and was laid upon my heart that I did not trust that God made me to be able to do this.  I felt that doctors and nurses took a central role in delivering the baby and while I do not want to diminish the role they play, the truth is that God put this baby in my body he has kept my baby safe thus far.  He has allowed me to be healthy enough to carry this baby, he has designed my body in such a way that not only can it support the baby and help him grow but it can deliver him into the world.  So having said all that I feel that having a natural birth and being open to that experience is way for me to show that I trust the lord. And again in no way does that mean if you have an epidural you don't trust God that is not what I am saying at all.  This is just something I feel I need to do for my own personal growth.